ADHD Resources

Dating and Friendships with ADHD

ADHD is not always easy, many have shared disappointments and embarrassment over the years. But most people with ADHD can push past setbacks, adapt to new strategies and troubleshoot complex problems. ADHD people often have many positive qualities to bring to their relationships and work place. When dating or being in friendships with someone with ADHD the focus can often be on the difficulties such as finding coping strategies and methods to manage the unique challenges of relationships.

Whilst these strategies can be helpful the emphasis on the negatives can overlook the joy and excitement that can come from relationships with someone neurodiverse. The reality is that like all relationships there will be challenges. However, people with ADHD also have a lot of unique positive characteristics to bring to their relationships.
Developing trust and confidence and happiness in relationships means understanding the advantages as a positive aspect. Accepting the diagnosis and seeking treatment if symptoms are not being managed may be necessary. However, every individual and relationship is different. Below are some positive qualities of ADHD to consider in your relationships.

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Supportive

Part of treating ADHD is helping individuals understand their minds work differently from the neurotypical world. Often this results in ADHD people being open-minded and seeing new perspectives and accepting novel ideas with ease. Many with ADHD will have experienced different feelings from others because of the way they react to situations and changes. Often this allows them to be more empathetic to people who have new ideas or interpretations, making them supportive and understanding in both friendships and as a partner.

Hyperfocus

ADHD can be confusing for those that are around a person with it. People are confused about how someone who suffers from a lack of attention can be able to spend hours doing the same task/activity. This can be because the task or activity is of great interest to the person with ADHD, and it can cause them to hyper-focus. This means that they are totally absorbed by it and are tuned out of everything else around them. If you share the same interests it can make for a really great relationship/friendship as they will be passionate about your shared interest. If however you are feeling neglected or ignored due to your friend/partner’s hyper-focus, you should talk with them about it. People with ADHD will be open to communication and if you open the subject with them in a way that lets them know how you are feeling, without being too critical of them they will be understanding and empathetic and likely to focus some attention back on you.

Spontaneous/Passion

In a survey of partners to people with ADHD a zest for life ranked among the top qualities most valued in relationships. It’s easy to understand why people with ADHD tend to live in the moment and act on impulse often bringing a welcomed energy that can enervate any activity. Someone with ADHD can often have so many fun date ideas that it might be so hard to pick from their long list of choices that you may want a non – ADHD friend or partner to decide. It is usually difficult to be bored or run out of things to do with your ADHD friend/partner. Whilst it is true that ADHD has stained more than a few relationships. A survey of partners of people with ADHD found it equally true but less recognised that partners with ADHD can be the most loyal, generous, loving, exciting, and fun people you could meet (Attitude , 2021).

Energy

ADHD can come with a hyperactivity element which can mean lots of energy. This can become overwhelming and difficult to keep up with. But along with that comes ambition, and unique perspectives. People with ADHD are often bright, funny, and creative. They will often use self-deprecating humour to remind those around them that perfection is wholly uninteresting. They have faced difficulties and challenges and learned from that ways to manage or sought treatment for their symptoms. Often they develop a sense of humility and self -respect which result in these traits generally adding up to being a person who is a pleasure to be around.

Empathy

If you have ever experienced a sense of overwhelm, can’t quite think straight, or had brain fog, then you have experienced a little of what your ADHD partner/friend feels almost daily. They can empathise with what you are feeling and empathy and understanding on both sides are essential for a friendship/ partnership that is living with ADHD in their lives. Showing kindness to each other will help you both immensely in your day-to-day challenges.

Building Relationships

Taking the time to understand the challenges of ADHD is key for any partner or friend of a person with ADHD. Whilst ADHD can lead to some unique difficulties the same can be said of any relationship. By understanding communication and being supportive, you can help your partner/friend manage their condition and live a happy and fulfilling life. Disclaimer: Each individual with ADHD experiences their own symptoms. Along with that are the different sub types of ADHD inattentive, combined, and or hyperactive/ impulsive, and personality also contributing to the differing symptoms. This is some general advice but will not be applicable to all people.